This one's by Jaideep Singh.... a scool frnd....
meri bhes ko danda kyon mara??????
* kyonki hume check karna tha ki bhes kaise react karegi
* kyonki woh batimizi kar rahi thi
* kyonki danda marne se woh doodh zyada deti hai
* isliye jisse ki sabko pata lag jaye ki gande posts post karne ka kya natija hota hai
* ya phir kyonnki woh tumhari tarah ek gande se pj par zor zor se has rahi thi
:)
Overwhelming...
The vast expanse dotted, scattered with planes...
mirroring the disorientation within me.
The runways sat prominent, lit dimly on the edges..
i could see y life now had some direction, .... though there were still so many..
Its funny how the harder u strive .. the harder u have to....
anyways..
So i hopped on, eager that the journey should begin..
taking my place, reserved by my vision,... yeah ... thats all it takes.. i believe..
An then they came, helped me settle down,.. tried to make me comfortable.... told me how to manage calamity.........
Smooth beginning, eh?
misleading???? We'll see... :)
So dis young dude who's four years old goes out for shopping with his mother.....
His mom is in a fun mood.... maybe bcoz of the weather.... a nice breeze....a slight drizzle....... lightning in the distance.... etc.. etc.. u gt the picture...!
mom (singing) : nanhe munne bachche meri mutthi mein kya hai....
baby gajodhar : mummee... mummee... kaan neeche karo.... peezz.. :)
mom : (not listenin)nanhe munne bachhe meri mutthi mein kya hai..
baby gajodhar : mummmmmmeee... suno na.... mummy mujhe na susu aa rhi hai... main kya karoon....
mom : mutthi mein hai chocolate tumhari..... :) :)
baby gajodhar : (obviously uneasy..cryin)mummmmeeee... main nahi rok sakta ... mummy susu kara do
mom : ( nt noticin his uneasy behaviour) rona kabhi nahi rona chahe toot jaye koi ...
baby gajodhar : AREY!!! PAGAL KAHIN KI !! CHUP !! SHUT UP!! DIMAAG KHARAB KAR DIYA...... EK BAAR MEIN SUNTA NAHI...... Kab se ro raha hoon..... UAN UAN... !!!!! Lo ab maine nicker mein kar di!!!
brb : u Boring Rascal... Bye!!!!!!!
lol : m nt Laughin Out at ur stupid jokes ... m laughin at u Loser
ttyl : tasty tentacles of a youthful lobster
tc : Take sm Crocin... u big headache...
rotfl : Rondu Ogre.... Tune itne Faltu pjs sunakar socha bhi kaise ke koi Lol karega
wtf : wat the fuck ( y......... wat did u expect??)
gn : gimme a nickle....... plzzzzzz
btw : Bewakoof..... Time Waste mat kar.... (lets change the topic)
:) :) :)
The Picnic.
a cat asked a mouse,'wud u come with me for a picnic', surprised the mouse asked him, 'abey billoo why the sudden burst of frndship' the cat said its nothin like that,jus that my wife suggested that we carry lunch with us.......!!!!
Party animal.
there was once a kid who was obsessed with parties. his fav dialogue was,'dude wheres the party?' one day he was invited for a very big party an he gt all dressed up an went ... but unfortunately it turned out that he was bein tricked an noone came. he started crying , tore off his clothes went into the jungle an bcame tarzan there he parties evryday with all his 'frnds'
Dumb an Dumber I
dumb an dumber were tryin to open a champagne bottle. dumb said they cud use a glass cutter to cut the bottom of the bottle, dumber said abey bakwaas mat mar first lets drink the champagne phir sochenge..
The Scarecrow.
a boy started singing 'laal chhadi maidan khadi kya khoob ladi , kya khoob ladi, hum dil se gaye hum jaan se gaye..' his frnd said ' abey pagal scarecrow hi dekhta rahega ki aage bhi badhega'.....!!!!!!!!
A meeting of dharmendra and tommy
dharm. ,'kutte main tera khoon pee jaoonga!!!!!!'
tommy: bhow bhow bhow bhow
dharm: ' basanti ko chhod de kutte, nahi to main chun chun ke badla loonga chun chun ke
tommy: bhow bhow bhow bhow
dharm: maa ka doodh piya hai to saamne aa kuttttttttteeeeeeeee
tommy: bhow bhow bhow
maine phook mari aur woh ud gaya
maine phook mari aur woh ud gaya
so wats the big deal yaar patta hi to tha!!!!
- sant kabir ne puchha ye doha kya hota hai bhai
i said yeh aisi khichdi hai jo aapne pakayi aur maine jalayi!!!!
- log kehte hain ki mere jokes PJs hain,log kehte hain ki mere jokes PJs hain,to pehen kar so jao!!!!!!
- kal kare to aaj kar aaj kare to ab,
pal mein parlay hoyegi bahuri karega kab,
bahuri ne kaha 'acchha hai na marne se pehle ek faltu kaamkarne se to bachunga'!!!
jungle mein jab aag lagi to kya nazara tha,
jungle mein jab aag lagi to kya nazara tha,
maine us lamhe ko apne dil mein utara tha
ABEY CHIRKOOT FOREST FIRE HUI AUR TU TAB BHI APNI SADI HUI SHAYARI LIKH RAHA THA,pani daal deta to!
jake mote ho liye , ab aur na phoolo bhai
gande gande dohe likhke apna bojh ghatai!!!!
itne gande dohe kaise likho bhai,
bade bewakoof ho jo pehla padhke bhi duje pe nazar lagai!!!
guruji kehte the ki flirt na karo bhai,
sant kabir ne puchha ki ye baat guruji ne sirf ladkiyon ko hi kyon batai!!
BOY : Would you like to go out for coffee with me ??
GIRL : Um ...sure. (teasing)Why don't you just say that you like me and wanna spend time with me..?
BOY : .........Coz i don't. Its just that....um...... i like COFFEE !!
BOY: Tell me frankly, what was it that first attracted you to me??
GIRL: Umm.... u know... i don't quite remember myself!!!
BOY: Would you like to be my valentine?????
GIRL: How much are you willing to pay for it??
SAME BOY: Would you like to be my valentine????
DIFFERENT GIRL: Oh i'd love to....but there's a slight issue..............I'm gay!!
SAME BOY ( again!!) : Would you like to be my valentine?????????
GIRL no. 3: Sorry.......Do i know you??!!!!!
I was walking down a road once......................i heard this guy........
'
24 ghante ka saal hota hai.......
har din ek nayee shuruaat hota hai..
har din ek naya saal hota hai...
roz naya bawaal hota hai....
kabhi acchha kabhi bura haal hota hai...
phir bhi gulab hamesha laal hota hai....
har din ek naya saal hota hai......
padosi ki jeb mein maal hota hai.....
apna tight haal hota hai...
life mein kitni tension hai
phir bhi saara jag khushhaal hota hai....
kyunki 24 ghante ka hi to saal hota hai!!!!!!!!!!! '
So there ws once in prehistoric times......when there were no pjs........this guy who never seemed to get fed up with parties.......so one eventful evening he started getting bored and asking...."hey dude.....when do we have our new year party dude...like its almost here man//// " someone in the distance, completely oblivious to this, was munching dinosaur dung.....when he suddenly very clearly heard this crap......he looked at himself in the mirror like dung......an observed his new ear......scared that people had noticed his cosmetic ear.............he gt so scared that he went upto the dud an invited him to a party jus to keep him quiet.....
Seriously guys,..........did u see this story going smwhere..have some sense, don't read every piece of crap thats thrown at u...!!!!!!!
DUDETTE: (crying) How could u do this to me, U SICK MORON!!!
DUDE: listen to me dear...it wasn't meant to be this way....i..
DUDETTE: Stop it! U lied to me..U told me it was nothing..U SICKO!!!
DUDE: I wanted to tell u...hell! i needed u ..but i knew u wouldn't understand....i knew this would only push u away from me...
DUDETTE: 'course it will! U think i can sleep with u knowing how SICK u are!!!
DUDE: Look honey...a mistake has been done, but its in the past. Hell! i shud never have gone to that woman's place.....i couldn't stop myself......u know how i am..!!!
DUDETTE: Yes i do....and sometimes its ok....but rite now...!! U got so desperate! U've really hurt me!!
DUDE: Enuf!! i'm the one who's facing the guilt, the pain! I'm the one who ate the ICE-CREAM in this freakin cold weather...the one who's got flu!! Still ur ranting on about ur issues... U SICK WOMAN!
What do you do if u spot a tiger from a distance?
You don't go closer to confirm!!!!!!!!!
What does a girl do if she spots an iit-ian from a distance????????????
She doesn't go closer to confirm!!!!!!!!!! :(
which means........
IIT-IANS are TIGERS!!
p.s - i know this shud hav been in the jokes column( atleast the last line) bt the one there is quite new....
Once upon a time..........
Ramesh an suresh were walking down a long highway........(hehe....long highway.ever seen a short one....).......when suddenly they saw a house to their left.........(a house on a highway...lapet le beta). The house looked old and tattered and it looked as iif noone had lived there for a long time.Anyways, ramesh and suresh being the most vele creatures on the face of this planet ( walking down a highway..gt nothing else to do?) decided to check it out. It was a dark , rainy night and the wind was howling like a howling animal. The highway was totally deserted at this hour and there was no living soul around them for a full freakin mile. In the distance the desperate cries of many kids and women could be heard. There were two bats and one owl perched near the door. Very hesitantly suresh went and knocked on the door.
What happened next is something they could not have ever expected given the situation, to their great amazement,(please don't die after this, i hate killing people), noone answered the door. They felt really let down and moved on down the long highway.:)
'i'm not gay........i swear' - the average first year iit-ian having to face scrutiny over his sexual preferences due to overexposure to males.
'so what if i'm gay...............i'm perfectly normal' - the average fourth year iit-ian due to overexposure to males
'What happened to ur hair?' - all of my friends on seeing me on any given day.
'We suck but you suck so much more......" - my message on behalf of the computers dept. to other branches( elec., mech./......)
'Britney spears is actually not that bad' - some sick-minded person......don't make me abuse u..u ^%^%&*
'In this over-competitive world...our passions do not direct our lives, rather we direct our passions....'
'I'm not engaged' - a couple of my frnds in hopeless attempts of hiding their relationships.
'Ab teen din ho gaye..aaj to naha hi lete hain" - the avg. iit-ian being rather comfortably explicit about his poor hygiene.
This is my frst post.............so excuse me fr bein a bit raw. So its december and i'm in the middle of my vacations. They drain the bloody life out of u when ur in college here but they do give a generous no. of hols.
So here's Act I.
I planned my December quiet nicely. My targets were simple and very achievable. I had to get myself a laptop so that i could get myself to understand my next course in computers..........i had to spend good hours daily on learning drums..............(after purchasing a set of drums of course)..........I had to do some programming so that i could decipher the crap i was not studying for the last four months..............i had to catch up on my movies an epl.....
Now i'm my last week of vacations and i hav no idea what laptop to buy.......which is better, dell or hp?....... i've almost given up on drums(i havent played them for one freakin minute in the whole of december).......i've not done anything useful on my pc ( though i have managed to create a collection of 6000 songs......an read all of dan brown's books)...........an i have seen just one movie........Bhaagam bhag (a three hour pj)..
these vacs were still fun......though ..........i managed to go on my first trip with friends(only.....though all guys :( ) to jim corbett.....awesome.........i've spent time with my school friends who have left delhi after school.....an i've played nfs-most wanted-black editn............
Now that i seem to have too much time to kill, murder, assasinate,destroy, waste, i'm trying my hand at blogging.........